Anxiety no mo!

Today was a good day, as usual!  I had a couple of accountability calls and finished the laundry.  I had a good dinner, cooked by mom, and gave my sis some clothes for the conference this weekend.  The love life:  well, ok, - so I let go and what happened?  Now he is saying things like "I want us to do more together."  Funny thing, it doesn't make me a difference at this point.  I would love for us to do more together and if we don't, that's cool too.  I feel ordinary and that is exactly what I do not want.  I want excitement, adventure and aliveness that lasts a lifetime!  I have it within me to give.  However, I have an unwilling recipient.  I won't force it.  I'm waiting on him to figure it out.  In the meantime, I am weighing my options.  No need to sit still in a world  of constant motion!  Onward and Upward!

What anxiety?

Well today was day 4 of learning transcendental meditation.  It's an easy way to calm your body and mind to dig deeper into your consciousness.  I am doing it twice a day and have already noticed some positive results!  This is good stuff!  So now that I know that I am dating a human, I can act accordingly.  He is currently under pressure and stress from his business.  He's in the midst of a court case and he is kinda touchy.  I don't take it personally as I know that he is working hard.  I just get on the phone, run away at the mouth, say I love you and get off.  When I see him this weekend, it will be better.  I plan to have some fun with him.  Until then, I am working on me!  I am learning about meditation, preparing for my elevator pitch contest and planning two trips...one to NY NY and one to Sedona, AZ.  Sedona is in 2 1/2 weeks.  I am going on a personal retreat to reconnect with myself.  NY is a girl trip to hang out with my friends.  I had plans to also go to Jamaica but it didn't work out with my human boyfriend so I planned some other stuff.  I still hope to go but I have to find someone fun to go with as I only travel with a select group of women.  Also, I talked to one of my exes today.  We had some good laughs on the phone.  Ok, my washing machine finally finished...later dudes!

No Mo' Anxiety

I let it go!  I gave it up to God!  I now see my boyfriend as a human man.  He has made mistakes and he has flaws.  That is perfect!  Why?  Because he's just like me.  I am human and I make mistakes.  I have flaws.  I had to go through a rough time to get that point.  I thought that he was perfect...he's not.  I realize that I can still love him, just as he is.  When we first met, he said that he would accept me just as I am.  I am now being asked to do the same thing.  I accept!  I am now in this thing for fun.  Tony Robbins said to exchange your expectation for gratitude and watch the world shift.  I am exchanging and thanking God for bringing this man to my life.  He has shown me that being human is okay and acceptable.  He will make mistakes and that's okay.  He has flaws, and that's okay.  He is not perfect and that is okay.  The same is for me.  I am human and I am okay.  I love that!!

Anxiety squared

Well today was a good day, maybe.  I had a full day...talked prosperity in the morning.  Then went to a coaching session to work on my elevator pitch contest speech.  Good stuff!  Then I left there to go to my first transcendental meditation session.  It was good too...a bit overpriced tho.  Then I left there and went to my friend's jewelry show.  We had a blast laughing and talking with each other and I got a potential client.  Woo Hoo!  Well update on the car...it got towed today.  There was no waiting until Tues.  He said that he got his friends to run him around to make his appointments.  Wow!  What great friends!  And he has "a woman" who is a client that he helped out with discharging her car note who has agreed to give him a car.  It sounds odd to me but better her than me.  He says that he will get the title transferred over tomorrow.  Why?  When the cops find that car, they will take it too and it's just a matter of time.  He's living a risky life as he is driving on a suspended license.  If he ever gets pulled over, he will go to jail.  Who wants that over their head every time they turn the key in the ignition?  Anyway, after the jewelry show, I came home.  He called later in the evening to say he was going to the lodge to do some stuff.  I really didn't care as I was tired anyway.  But I wasn't too tired to get on the internet...and do a background search.  The boot "kicked" it off.  LOL!  Well can I tell you that I found all kinda shit.  I won't go into details...just yet but there was some stuff out there that I didn't know about and other stuff that refuted some stuff he told me before.  Needless to say, I was stunned, shocked and...and...well, I kinda expected it.  I knew he was hiding stuff that is why he didn't like spending alot of time with me.  See, I have a theory.  When someone has something to hide, they don't spend alot of time with you.  Why?  Because they don't feel comfortable with you while they are hiding their secrets.  So they stay away, like he did.  He hid out at the Masonic lodge which is 10 mins from my house.  Many a day he left the lodge, drove past my house and went home.  Nice, real nice.  I didn't understand it but I do now.  Plus he just likes to be away from the home.  He used to be a truck driver before and spent months away from home.  It's his way of being.  Oh well, it's not what I want tho.  I asked God to reveal him to me and he did.  Now I have a decision to make.  Should I stay or should I go? 

Anxiety antics...wow...T - whenever!

Ok, so I missed a few days...for good reason.  He came over 2 days ago.  I cooked dinner and we had an enjoyable evening.  We laughed and had playful arguments over traditional chores.  He said that he wants me to cook everyday (when we're married).  I told him that if he pays all the bills, then I'll do all the cooking  Of course, he wouldn't agree to do that.  Well, when we went to bed, he commented that I was so good that he would do all the cooking if I kept "that" up.  I agreed to that...no problem!  The next day, drama.  He got a boot on his car over old, unpaid tickets from his ex wife.  She was driving a car in his name.  Back then, he was a truck driver and was never home so he "supposedly" knew nothing about the tickets.  Ok, so now what?  He needs his car to get to his appointments and make money.  He can't use my car as the tickets also caused his license to be suspended.  The tickets total over $10K and he doesn't have that handy.  Boy, this calls for some creativity and real friendship.  If he doesn't come up with some thousands by Mon, the city will tow his car by Tues.  Hmmmm...let's see what happens.  I'm off to run the streets and continue to lead my happy life!  I got an ACN mtg this morn, then a coaching lesson, then a meditation lesson, then an art show.  It's a nonstop day and I'm a non stop girl!

Antics - T minus 12

Ok - so I fell plum asleep last nite....while talking to my man.  Yes, he's still my man.  We had a good conversation last nite.  I talked to Michele who kept me sane while I waited for his call as we had not talked all day.  He has class on Wed nite and I always forget.  When he finally called around 10:30 pm, he was kinda pleasant.  It started a little ruff before it took off.  He said that he wanted to do things together so we could spend more time together.  I like that.  He wants to do Toastmasters.  Cool!  He said that whatever we do should not cost alot of money.  That is cool as the most important thing to me is that we spend time together.  I know that if we spend more time together, then it will improve our relationship.  That's the most important thing to me - companionship.  It will make all the difference to me...

Anxiety Antics - T minus 13

Ok, so today was better.  I was surfing the net for tantra classes in Chicago.  My man knows tantra and I want to learn it.  I ran across a black woman who teaches tantra is Arizona!  What a coincidence since I am going there next month.  I emailed her to set up an appt.  I want to get the experience.  I texted my man to let him know how excited I was.  No response.  When I got home, I went shopping to buy some goodies for my niece's care package for finals week.  He called and I missed it.  I called back.  The conversation was sterile.  I  told him all about my day and future plans for the week.  He listened intently.  No real laughter, not much joking around.  Eventually, he got another call and clicked over.  I waited about 2 mins and then hung up.  He called back, apologetically, 15 mins later.  He said he wanted to see me on Wed.  I told him Thurs was better so we made a date for 9 pm after my prosperity coaching call.  He talked a bit more but he seemed distracted.  He confessed that he was working and talking to me.  I decided to end the call so he could work.  I went back to adding friends to my linked in network.  About 20 mins later, he called back saying he wanted to hear my voice.  I felt like he was checking up on me.  I just laughed and thanked him for calling.  Shit, I didn't know what else to say.  Didn't want to ruin the moment, I guess.  We ended the call.  Oh yeah - about the text earlier today...he said he was too busy to respond.  Too busy...too busy.  I have heard that before from myself and I guess that is what I am attracting.  So how can I be mad at a man who is a reflection of me?