Anxiety antics...wow...T - whenever!

Ok, so I missed a few days...for good reason.  He came over 2 days ago.  I cooked dinner and we had an enjoyable evening.  We laughed and had playful arguments over traditional chores.  He said that he wants me to cook everyday (when we're married).  I told him that if he pays all the bills, then I'll do all the cooking  Of course, he wouldn't agree to do that.  Well, when we went to bed, he commented that I was so good that he would do all the cooking if I kept "that" up.  I agreed to that...no problem!  The next day, drama.  He got a boot on his car over old, unpaid tickets from his ex wife.  She was driving a car in his name.  Back then, he was a truck driver and was never home so he "supposedly" knew nothing about the tickets.  Ok, so now what?  He needs his car to get to his appointments and make money.  He can't use my car as the tickets also caused his license to be suspended.  The tickets total over $10K and he doesn't have that handy.  Boy, this calls for some creativity and real friendship.  If he doesn't come up with some thousands by Mon, the city will tow his car by Tues.  Hmmmm...let's see what happens.  I'm off to run the streets and continue to lead my happy life!  I got an ACN mtg this morn, then a coaching lesson, then a meditation lesson, then an art show.  It's a nonstop day and I'm a non stop girl!

Antics - T minus 12

Ok - so I fell plum asleep last nite....while talking to my man.  Yes, he's still my man.  We had a good conversation last nite.  I talked to Michele who kept me sane while I waited for his call as we had not talked all day.  He has class on Wed nite and I always forget.  When he finally called around 10:30 pm, he was kinda pleasant.  It started a little ruff before it took off.  He said that he wanted to do things together so we could spend more time together.  I like that.  He wants to do Toastmasters.  Cool!  He said that whatever we do should not cost alot of money.  That is cool as the most important thing to me is that we spend time together.  I know that if we spend more time together, then it will improve our relationship.  That's the most important thing to me - companionship.  It will make all the difference to me...

Anxiety Antics - T minus 13

Ok, so today was better.  I was surfing the net for tantra classes in Chicago.  My man knows tantra and I want to learn it.  I ran across a black woman who teaches tantra is Arizona!  What a coincidence since I am going there next month.  I emailed her to set up an appt.  I want to get the experience.  I texted my man to let him know how excited I was.  No response.  When I got home, I went shopping to buy some goodies for my niece's care package for finals week.  He called and I missed it.  I called back.  The conversation was sterile.  I  told him all about my day and future plans for the week.  He listened intently.  No real laughter, not much joking around.  Eventually, he got another call and clicked over.  I waited about 2 mins and then hung up.  He called back, apologetically, 15 mins later.  He said he wanted to see me on Wed.  I told him Thurs was better so we made a date for 9 pm after my prosperity coaching call.  He talked a bit more but he seemed distracted.  He confessed that he was working and talking to me.  I decided to end the call so he could work.  I went back to adding friends to my linked in network.  About 20 mins later, he called back saying he wanted to hear my voice.  I felt like he was checking up on me.  I just laughed and thanked him for calling.  Shit, I didn't know what else to say.  Didn't want to ruin the moment, I guess.  We ended the call.  Oh yeah - about the text earlier today...he said he was too busy to respond.  Too busy...too busy.  I have heard that before from myself and I guess that is what I am attracting.  So how can I be mad at a man who is a reflection of me?

Anxiety Antics - T minus 14

So I have been dating my man since Oct.  We met in Sept on the internet.  It wasn't love at first site as we missed our first date because neither of us called the other to confirm.  Well, I reached back out to start it back up and by Nov, he was falling in love with me.  I fell shortly thereafter.  He was so attentive and he pampered me.  I got breakfast in bed.  I got flowers.  I got all the sex that I wanted.  Life was good!  Then in Jan, he increased his business and the demand on his time increased.  We saw each other less and less until it was down to once a week.  Our calls went from several, intimate calls to one per day - "I just wanted to say good nite".  It had deteriorated.  I had anxiety as I thought I had done something wrong to cause this to happen.  Well last nite, we had a good conversation.  He admitted that his business is stressing him out.  I was able to say that I was unhappy without breaking up, which is my norm.  We have agreed to spend more time together. So today I am counting the next 14 days to see how quickly we can turn this around.  I am skeptical but enthusiastic.  It is exciting to have another chance.  Another chance to get to know him all over again.  Another chance to learn something new about me.  He had meetings late tonite, again.  I decided not to stay up to talk.  My energy now is going towards great things that are happening in my life, not to forcing my eyes open to talk. I think I'm a little bitter....hmmm...better check my self.  Gratitude is the right attitude or so they say.  Sometimes, I am not sure that shit works...

I've got a testimony!

"As I look back over my life, and I think things over I can truly say that I've been blessed, I've got a testimony!"  Thanks Ms Winans! 

I have been blessed!  The year 2011 has turned my passions into my purpose!  I am taking on:

- Publishing a NY times best seller

- Starting a speaking business

- Building a home telecommunications business

- Being effective in my participation with Landmark's Team Mgmt and Leadership Training Program

- Showing up powerfully in Toastmaster's and Landmark Education

- Supporting my sister in her position of State Director

- Being love in a relationship with the man of my dreams

- Living life as if 100% integrity is possible

What a huge list but I love it!  I have so much to do, I have no time to be busy!  I am proactive and productive.  My days are filled with project manager work from 9 to 5.  In the evening, I am making more money!  I am working on my business...calling prospects...returning emails...setting up meetings...attending meetings...writing speeches...practicing speeches...coaching others...being coached...doing Zeta...falling asleep...waking up...sending text messages...confirming my beliefs...creating new ways of being...being successful...being excited...being fun!  See, I have so much to do to be busy!  I have several accountability partners who keep me in line!  They check me when I am out of integrity and praise me when I excel at meeting my commitments!  I love them!  Each day, I experience miracles!  I thank God every time a blessing comes my way.  Every time I get a green light when I was rushing.  Each time I am reminded to get my car keys which are separate from my house keys.  Each time I dress warm when going to a meeting where the room is cold.  Each time I am treated to a meal unexpectedly.  Each time I get a discount when I didn't even ask for one.  Each time I help a friend who needed help.  Each time I donate to a worthy cause just when they needed it.  Each time I make my family and friends smile.  Each time, every time, I say thanks.  I know it make a difference.  I know it does.

So when you see me checking my to do list, checking my calendar, checking my email, checking my blackberry, just know that I have plenty to do before 12/31/11.  I will accomplish it all because I know that all things are possible!  And enough of blogging for today...I got lots to do and just 11 months to do it!

All blessing to you on your 2011 journey!

MB

And take one step towards it!

So I read this quote "Dream a crazy dream and take one step towards it!"  Wow!  I love that!  Right now, I am working on all my crazy dreams!  For 2011, I want to complete my NY Times Best seller, get my speaking business off the ground and pay off all my $10K+ in credit cad debt!  My book is loosely based on my Greek life.  It will include dramatic stories about my initiation, life on the yard and grad chapter experience.  I have found that there are many people who have gone thru less than what I went thru and are now MIA.  They have left their fraternity and sorority behind after being abused and scarred.  I refuse to carry too many scars or let them hold me back.  However, every now and then, there are certain events that trigger a negative memory.  For example, I so dislike when people say that I "wasn't made right".  It just burns me as I know that there is no such thing and people use it to disrespect you.  And even tho I don't like it, I use it too and  perpetuating the disrespect.  Well in my book, I explore this myth and how it affects people before, during and after initiation.  I am soliciting help from other greeks to get some juicy stories to spice up my book.  There will be stories like the one where one Sorority sister was sleeping with the boyfriend of another Sorority sister behind her back and then when busted, the boyfriend ends up encouraging both of them to live with him.  Within 6 mos of living together, both of the Sorority sisters end up pregnant!  Or how about the one where one Sorority sister is sleeping with two line brothers and one night after a party at the frat house, she sleeps with both of them at the same time!  Or how about the Sorority sister who steals money from the chapter's treasury to buy clothes.  Ok, ok enough of that but these are somewhat true stories!  Just hilarious!  Well after writing my book, I will be going on a speaking tour to promote it and discourage hazing.  I want to talk to college students how unnecessary it is to haze and how silly it is to think that disrespect and abuse will make someone a better member.  That's just ridiculous!  I am hoping that the money that I make from the speaking business will equal >$10K so I can pay off my credit card debt.  I am in debt because I live beyond my means!  So, in order to afford my expensive taste, I have to make more money.   In order to make more money, I have to do more work.  So my work of choice is writing and speaking.  I know that it will net me some great money and great experiences!  The country is broke right now but bad times don't last always!  While the country is preparing for its comeback, I am preparing for my debut! 

The other crazy dream is that I can be an actress!  I ran across a website for One Source talent and have signed up for their services.  This gives me access to casting calls and tons of information about jobs in tv, movies and print industry.  I have submitted my name for a few positions so we will see if they call me.  I have also joined another website that allows me to apply for jobs on reality shows.  Well, since I love drama and have a magnetic personality, I would be great on a reality show!  I have signed up for several of those too.  I signed up for one about debt reduction, of course, and another about finding love cause I need some serious help in both areas!   We'll see what happens!

Well wish me luck as I continue to dream my crazy dreams and take one step towards them!  And good luck to you as you do the same!  2011 is gonna rock!

I wonder...when is it convenient to be inconvenienced?

So I am currently very active in my life.  I work as an officer with my Toastmaster club, I am an officer with my Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, I work as a project manager, I take classes with Landmark Education plus I maintain my relationships with my sister, my niece, my mom and a host of other relatives and good friends.  In addition, I am writing a book and building a speaking career.  Then God sent me a great man...not one who lives in Chicago...one who lives in ATL.  So add long distance girlfriend to the list.

I go along each day full of my life and life challenges.  I go to work, I make integrity calls, I plan and attend meetings, I write, I read, I talk, I laugh, I play on Facebook.  In between, I have to make time for myself , my man and my family.  Sometimes, this occurs as an inconvenience...or is it?

As I sit here now and listen to blogtalkradio.com, I am getting that this is not an inconvenience.  It is a blessing!  The radio show is highlighting Terrance Leftridge who is sharing that we need to have an attitude of gratitude.  So I'll take that!  It is a blessing to have family and friends that want to talk to me.  I am grateful for this!  I am always amazed when I meet people who say that they don't talk to their sister or brother.  I just can't even understand that.  My sister and I have had major arguments and have overcome them.  We actually live in the same building and yes, we get on each others' nerves but we just live through it.  Why?  Because we love each other.  Because we are grateful that we have each other.  Because we know that we are blessed to have each other! 

So next time, a friend or family member calls, instead of looking at it as an inconvenience, look at it as a blessing!  They thought enough of you to call you.  Answer the telephone with a smile on your face...they'll hear it.  Talk to them with gratitude on your mind...they'll feel it.  Keep love in your heart...they'll enjoy it.  Then watch how your conversations blossom into something convenient and loving!