Ok – so today was the day for my fibroid ablation procedure! What? Well, I am treating my fibroids that make my uterus stretch out like I am pregnant and make my stomach poke out like I am a fat chick! (no comments here, pleez) Today, thanks to Mommi and Uncle Al, I trekked up to Northbrook MRI to have Dr Arofa handle my mighty mighty fibroids. Along with nurse Rhoda and tech Richard, for 3 hours, I endured severe cramps induced by the focused rays from the MRI machine. The rays were heated and used to kill my 2 fibroids and I thought, cook me for dinner! Yes, two fibroids…one super duper and one extra medium. I endured this painful process for 3 hours and afterwards, I expected to see a baby pop out as I am sure at some point, I was in labor! But no baby, just dead, burnt up fibroids. Okay fine.
I arrived to the center early. Yeah! I had a consult with the nurse and the tech. I was all evacuated, clean dooty shooty. I was bald on the pubey. I had to take off all my jewelry. What? I don’t even do this for TSA but it was mandatory. I put on one of those silly green robes that don’t show off my fabulous figure but they do hide my 4 month pregnant gut. I was ready. Then they prepped me. Rhoda shaved off some more hair…dammmiiittt…Imma be itching and cussing her out over the next few weeks! Then she put in a catheter so that I could pee pee during the procedure. She put in an IV line to keep me hydrated. Then she said…now get off this table and walk to the procedure room. What?? I thought she was gonna push me. Ok, so I hobbled up...had to grab the catheter bag, she held the IV, the robe was on its own showing all my shaved glory to the old white folks walking around Northbrook mall! When I got to the room, they said to climb onto the table, be careful and don’t touch right here. The area that I could not touch was a circle of water that was prepared for my stomach to lie in. I struggled but they helped to get me up there. I had to lie flat on my stomach and once I got into position, I COULD NOT MOVE FOR 4 HOURS!!! Do you hear me??? Why, you ask? Well they first positioned me and tech Rich took pictures for 45 mins. The pictures were then used to determine exactly where the fibroids are located and exactly where they will focus the MRI rays. Then doc Arofa comes in and introduces himself. Correct, I never met this man before…I just hoped he was Christian and gentle! He assured me that he was good and knew what he was doing. I think I would’ve rather read that in the New England Journal of Medicine or saw that on the internet but too late now. By now, it’s 1 pm and the procedure starts. They roll ¾ of my body back into the circular machine, give me headphones with 80’s rock playing and wish me luck. Luck, humph, this betta work and thank God, I’m not claustrophobic! They also hand me an emergency button that I can push at any time to stop the procedure. Ok, that’s a good look! Here we go!! The machine is fired up! I hear tons of noise…kinda reminds me of living next to O’hare. Then I hear loud ticking and feel the rays knocking on my back and just bum rush into my abdomen. I was able to tolerate the first few shots…but oh baby, about 1 hour in…the granddaddy cramps began to hit me! The focused, heated rays were aimed at my abdomen for 30 seconds and this is when I felt the pain. Then they waited 90 seconds for my skin to cool down and they did it again. This went on for 3 hours! Bastards!
During this time, I began to think. I could use the Jedi mind trick and fool myself into thinking that I am on the beach in Jamaica and not being tortured by some stupid rays that I cannot even see, touch, taste or smell but I sure can feel!! Let’s give it a try. I give my fibroids a picture…big, round brown balls. (no comments here, pleez) And I imagine that every time the rays come knocking, I will picture in my mind that I am pushing these huge balls up a hill in the Grand Canyon. When the pain subsides, the ball falls off a cliff. After the ball falls, I now picture myself in Jamaica with all my family and friends at a luau. Yes a luau in Jamaica with roasted pig, rice n’ peas with coconut milk, plantain, red snapper, curry goat, ackee and salt fish, along with plenty of fruit and flowing rum punch! We are all dancing to dollar whine! “Forget the small change, give me big money! Dollar, Dollar, Dollar!” Yeah mon…now you talkin’! As it went on, I noticed that they were able to shift the water to where the rays were going and I could hear the swooshing. Once I heard that, I knew it was time to get back to the Grand Canyon and push. Once the ball fell over the cliff, I would jet back to Jamaica. “Cent, five cent, ten cent, dollar!” This went on for 2 ½ hours. Then uh oh...I’m got tired. I started to sweat. The machine was really cooking me for dinner! I swore that my stomach was burnt up too and even had them stop once to check the water which caught the rays after they damaged the fibroids. But only one time did I have them stop. I accepted the light weight pain killers at the beginning of the procedure, but that was it. After that, I didn’t move. I didn’t accept more pain killers. I didn’t keep stopping the procedure. I was like a Marine in combat – HOO-RAH!! I was determined to make it without tons of drugs, without crying, without whimpering and without being a chicken. And I did it! Around 4 pm, it was over. Yippee! They complimented me on my stamina then removed all the stuff stuck in me. (no comments here, pleez) We chit chatted about my experience and then they helped me off the table. Doc Arofa checked my stomach – no burns. I told him that I was tired. That was to be expected. They took me to recovery where my Mommi was waiting. I changed, signed some papers and left. I was proud of myself and thankful to God for seeing me through!
As I rode home, I realized that I had some great memories from this experience. If I had done this last year this time, which is when I first found out about it, then I would have left with a list of things to do, things that I should do, things that I shouldn’t do, things that I forgot to do and things that I don’t want to do but need to do. Instead, I went home with a smile on my face singing “Gi' me dollar, gi' me dollar, Gi' me dollar, gi' me dollar, Gi' me dollar, gi' me dollar!”
PS – the results are NOT immediate! I think I made that up! I will notice results in 6 mos to a year. The fibroids will no longer grow and will now start to die and shrink. With my new healthy eating lifestyle, I expect them to be gone altogether in about 1 year…poof! Like magic!
PPS – I did not eat all day until 5 pm then I had nuts and water. I kept drinking water as I wanted the drugs outta me. At midnite, I just had my veggie juice. What the water leaves behinds, the juice will get! I think I feel some mighty mighty toxins about to exit the building now!
When you bring graciousness and gratitude to any situation, you will see sweet results!
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