Day 9 - Really? Like really? From every hole?

So today my body decided to eliminate everything that it did not eliminate yesterday.  I didn’t go a lot yesterday, but I did today.  See last nite, I wanted some chips and instead decided to have chipotle cashews.  Probably not a good idea but I enjoyed them!  After eating them, I drank water mixed with superfood.  Superfood is a green, powder supplement that I take daily.  I mix it in water or with my juices.  My co-worker told me that it has the same properties as kitty litter.  WTF?  The premise is that it will bind with the mighty mighty toxins in your colon and pull them out when you dooty.  Whatever!  I take it anyway...it helps my bowels move…so I guess the kitty litter is working!  Anyway, today I had more energy.  I did not feel lethargic.  But I was kinda tired cuz I didn’t get 7+ hours of sleep last nite.  Oh, that’s so necessary!  Don’t underestimate the power of sleep.  This is when your body has time to recharge and reload for the next day.  Skip too much sleep and you ain’t ready for the day.  So I was half ready for today but charged forward…and my bowels were charging forward too!  They were running like a lottery machine on payday!  Today, I had to go when the mood hit me…no waiting today…no going up to the 9th floor.  I went in the regular bathroom and just went and flushed…went and flushed.  I am courteous of others and I know that although it might not smell bad to me, it’s noxious to others!  Now, you know there are many orifices in the human body.  As I went today, I had something coming out of the majority of them!  Sometimes when I dooty, I tear up…when that happens, my nose begins to run…and remember the menses too!  So at some point today, I simultaneously piss, sh*t, fart, bled, cried and snot up all while cussing!  WTFX2??!!  Boy, these mighty mighty toxins – I need to sue their asses for emotional distress!  The silver lining is that toilet tissue can take care of all of that in one swoop!  How?  Well women like big goo gobs of tissue…that’s where you start.  Go from rooter to the tooter!  Wipe the eyes, fold…blow the nose, fold…wipe the box from front to back…discard.  How efficient!  Ok, I usually have to go over the box again…remember, you can never be too careful.  So I go, I flush…I wipe, I flush, I go, I flush, I wipe.  Yes, it’s a big ordeal and must be timed appropriately before and after meetings.  I see this detox thing is all about planning.  Planning your meals, planning your up time, planning your down time, planning your dooty…planning, planning, and planning.  Hey – is God trying to tell me something?  Like my life - I don’t have all of my life planned out but I do know what I am working towards…writing a book (and not about dooty!) and going on a speaking tour!  One of my Landmark friends told me about an exercise where you write down what you want to accomplish by age 85.  Wow!  Or another cryptic way of saying this is…write your obituary.  What will it say?  A better question is…what do you want it to say?  You know that you control that – right?  It can be short…she was a good woman…or it can be several pages, like a published book.  You make the call.  You make the plans.  I want a published book…that is what I am planning on.  What are you planning on?