Day 11 - Resignation shows up to the detox party!

So, I am married to my detox but I feel like cheating!  I saw a sexy burger who winked at me.  The cute slice of pizza blew me a kiss.  I swear that the shapely chicken wing twins whispered in unison "we miss you."  I’m like the Geto Boys now…damn homie, my mind is playing tricks on me!  “I have to take distilled water everywhere I go, ‘cause I’m paranoid.  I keep looking over my shoulder and peeping around corners ‘cause my mind is playing tricks on me!”  Well, for lunch, I went to Chipotle with Keith and Shaunda.  They know I can’t eat that sh*t!  But when we got there, this gorgeous guacamole was flirting with me.  Damn homie, you know I’m weak!  So I ask the lady – what’s in that?  Since I don’t cook, I don’t know what anything is made of.  She replied “avocados, jalapenos, tomatoes, onions, cilantro and chilies.”  I ask if it is fresh…she said yes…so nothing is cooked in it, right?...she said right.  Aw yeah, aw yeah (like Salt n Pepa…hey, speaking of Pepa…where is her reality show?  I loved that show!  Anyway, I digress).  Now, I’m cheesing like I got an extra stimulus check personally signed by Obama!  I boldly poke out my chest and tell the lady – give me two scoops!!  Woo hoo!  This is gonna be good!  Then I wonder if they take credit cards for less than $2.  Never mind, Keith buys it for me.  Thanks Keith!  I am walking back to the office on cloud 25!  I am breezing down Michigan Avenue in my 4 inch royal blue heels!  I am speaking to strangers and no longer feeling my pubie itching from the hair that is growing back.  Isn’t life grand?  See I remember what Landmark teaches me…it’s possibilities that get people in action.  Just the possibility of having something different with my salad put me in action!  It’s like going on an exciting vacation.  Just the thought of going on the vacation puts you in action…you buy new stuff, you tell your friends, you get work done, you stay up late dreaming about it!  So the possibility of cheating with good guac got me in action.  I got my salad and it looked a little jealous.  I carefully opened my guac and placed it next to the salad.  I didn’t talk much – I need to use my time to savor my cheating.  I ate the salad half way down.  The entire time, I am eyeing and smiling at the gorgeous guac.  Cheating can be so sinister!  Finally, it’s time.  I stack the fork with a piece of tomato, celery, and cucumber…I add the gorgeous guac..I take a good look at it’s green nakedness…it’s hot!  I slowly open my mouth and prepare my taste buds.  Incoming!!  Wake y’all asses up!  Then it hits and it is all that I thought it would be!  It’s smooth, satisfying, tastes good and so comforting!  Just what you want in a piece on the side!  It was not demanding like the veggie juice…it’s not dramatic like the effects of the spinach on my bowels…it’s not an attention hog like the 90 ounces of water I drink a day…it was just easy…easy in, easy out.  Hey – this cheating stuff ain’t all bad!  So I finish my salad…I thoroughly enjoy my gorgeous guac and smile all the way back to my desk where I proceed to take my colon cleansing pills to get that sh*t out of me!  I love cheating with the guac but it’s not worth my marriage to my detox.  Sorry guac, it’s over…I can’t be with you no more…you know I’m married…I want to be faithful…but we can still be friends, right?